Autopsies and 20 Lashes

Jeez, already finding lots of other things to do – anything other than sitting down to get the writing done that I need to focus on due to tomorrow’s 12pm deadline, at which point I need to be at a stage where I’m confident I’ve done what I can with it. B’s working from home today, which is good as it’ll stop me from wasting time on other stuff (doing my nails, ironing things I otherwise wouldn’t, embark on cooking something elaborate and time consuming, etc, etc). It’s only gone 9am, but I’ve already showered, cleared up the kitchen, folded a pile of laundry (that I was itching to iron, including the two little flannels – oh, I know, but I’m the daughter of a woman who irons underwear, socks included so bear with me – I didn’t though, victory!), put another wash on after chucking the previous load into the dryer, got Monkey ready and off to school (OK, B took him as Monkey jumped at the opportunity of having his own chauffeur), and although I haven’t done my nails, I still removed the nail polish which means they HAVE TO get done at some stage today.

Little breaks are OK though, I don’t think I’d produce my best stuff if I sat and wrote for 8-10 hours straight. Inspiration comes in little bursts and I’d say I probably only spend a couple of hours’ worth of dedicated Alice time per day. This tells me something that I actually already know – there is time to dedicate a few hours to something else too. But what? Proof reading and translation gigs would be the obvious choice and something I am qualified to do, according to my rah-rah and ever so fancy Masters diploma from UCL that claims I passed with distinction. Yep – that’ll be added to today’s to-do list.

I did pretty well with yesterday’s, which was in fact my intentions for the whole week. I did all the cleaning as well as the huge pile of ironing, and I knocked out the first version of the synopsis. R came up with a kick-ass idea, and although the version I did write is OK, I need to work on it but the idea itself is fantastic I think – the synopsis not your typical author’s summary, but summarised by my fictional protagonist. I felt inspired the moment R suggested it and I think it’s got legs. To catch people’s attention, and in particular critical agents and publishers, you need to stand out. Who knows where it’ll go from here, but I don’t care what it takes or how many times I’ll have to rewrite, rework and re-tool the whole fucking thing – this is it now.

Mmm….. I can smell coffee brewing, can’t wait to go and have some along with a ciggie on the balcony with B. I’m a complete coffee snob. Well, I’m a snob in many senses of the word, but coffee is HOLY. Gosh, in the beginning, the ever well meaning B would go and put some on, but clearly he was a coffee brewing virgin – Swedes are the world’s number one coffee drinkers and we brew it, the version that Starbucks insist on calling “drip”. If you want to speed up your untimely demise, serve me one of those awful espresso shots topped up with hot water – that is NOT A FUCKING COFFEE. B’s first few efforts tasted like something you’d find in the lower intestine of a dead racoon during an autopsy. And I’m fussy and particular at the best of times, so the first few months I had to try really hard to live with the fact that tasty morning coffee had to be on the back burner.

However, B learnt, little by little, how to brew a perfect jug of coffee, and these days I much prefer his coffee to mine. See? Sometimes I can be patient. Had it not been B, though, I would have shot anyone daring to serve me the stuff he did in the beginning.

Gosh, he just annoyed me. I bloody said I’ll come the fuck out when I’m done! Stop fussing! I don’t want my coffee here! *slap*

Those last few lines show what an unreasonable dictator I am to live with – I expect him to read my mind, understand (and abide by, damnit!) all my quirks, and know every second of every day whether I want my coffee right now or in 30 seconds time (not 29 or there will be serious consequences!). Thank God B is a man with the patience of a saint. Then again, given the last ride he’s been taken for, I suppose I’m the most reasonable and least difficult person he knows, so maybe that’s why he lets me off. Hah! I’m still a little irritated, because right now, my coffee (which probably has a fraction of a millilitre too much milk in it as it is) is cooling and won’t be hot and freshly poured when I get to it. I’ll see if 20 lashes will do it and maybe next time (third time lucky) he’ll get it.


Oh, I know, I’m the devil. But I like things THE WAY I LIKE THEM, and even now, after a year and a half together and living together for most of that time, I’m adjusting to sharing my space and adjusting to having someone else make the coffee occasionally. I’ll get there. For now, I’m just going to go and snog poor B silly, then get on with everything I need to get on with today. Oh, and my nails too. I’m thinking a pastel colour…..


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s