Lord Sugar and Venomous Serpents

Right, so the Facebook group is now set up and we’re a handful of writers who are all aiming to get our novels written. So far, so good. Three of us seem to be set on having it done by the end of November, which was the goal I set myself in the summer and I still feel it’s doable even though I have a hefty lump of writing left to get through. Of course, as overwhelming as it might sometimes seem to knock out the full 100k-odd word count that is the average for the type of novel I’m writing, I also know that it’s only the first step. After that, there is the process of editing – deleting, adding, rewriting and perhaps also rethinking big chunks of it.

This week really hasn’t been productive, and I suspect two things are to blame: firstly, I send across the synopsis and first three chapters to the editor, which I think kind of set my mind to let’s-wait-and-see mode as opposed to soldiering on. Bad. Secondly, B and I have had a little too much wine four evenings running, which is super bad both for my creativity and my liver. Oh well, I suppose sometimes it ends up that way and it’s not like we get tipsy as often as that every week. Either way, time to regain my focus and I feel very positive about it.

Really looking forward to heading up to Leicester shortly to see B’s sons. It’s the youngest’s birthday and we’re taking them out to lunch. I love seeing B around them, he gets this little glow about him any time he’s around his two sons, this aura of calm, like he’s truly at peace when he’s in their company. It’s beautiful. Monkey’s with us, so he’s coming along of course – to him, these two older boys are super cool and any time he’s been around them he’s done all he can to catch their attention. They’re probably the height of cool awesomeness in his young eyes. They ARE cool of course, both trendy and switched on, the older one is like he walked straight out of an Abercrombie & Fitch advert. Well, so’s the younger one. And B can barely contain his pride – a smile is never far away with B, but around his sons it’s like he slept with a coat hanger in his mouth, grinning happily.

Because it’s a two-hour drive, there’s nothing else lined up except for the X-Factor this evening. Have to say I’m a bit fed up with it, most of the acts bore me, even though there are some amazingly talented people on it – that impossibly cute little Lauren has got the most amazing voice, the little Italian muffin Andrea is just too adorable (and OMG, the pipes on that boy!), the bland Ben has got a really unique and velvety voice (but he’s ever so forgettable) and then there’s the other little chubby muffin called Paul (who like Andrea, has got an incredible set of pipes to belt out soulful classics with). I don’t much care for the rest. Novelty comedy act Stevi is still around even though he shouldn’t be, but I do like him – he knows he’s a bit of a tit, and I appreciate people who have a bit of self awareness.

Aside from the X-Factor, there are two other shows that get me addicted every time: the Apprentice and Made in Chelsea. I think with those, it’s watching really awful people that has me so fascinated. The Apprentice is always made up of a bunch of people who are all the opposite of what I find appealing in a person – ridiculous sales people and aggressive fuckwits. It’s so fun to watch though, even the used-to-oblivion cliches I find amusing.

With Made in Chelsea it’s almost the same thing, as I can’t relate to any of the characters on there any more than I can to the Apprentice lot, and just like Lord Sugar’s charges, they are mostly people I find completely ridiculous. The only ones I like are Lucy Watson, Proudlock, Stevie and that American chick Stephanie. Oh, Andy Jordan is OK too. The others are nothing more than trailer trash with posh accents. You can’t polish a turd, but you can roll it in glitter – best quote I’ve heard in a long time, someone had posted it on Facebook, and it definitely applies to Made in Chelsea.

Mark Francis is just too out there to even comment on, and then there’s his friend Victoria the Serpent – gosh, that woman has such a negative energy around her that the screen dims several nuances any time she’s on. Venomous, spiteful and vicious – not the sort of qualities I enjoy seeing in people and in real life I avoid those like the plague, they deserve no room in my life. The Serpent also has her side-kick Sophie, an impossibly beautiful designer with a heart so black her outer beauty becomes totally puzzling. Her purpose is to laugh on Victoria’s command (usually after Victoria the Serpent has been evil in some way and needs her loyal lackey to giggle in agreement – the classic mean girl formula in its ugliest form) and generally pretend she is ever so posh. Oh well done, Mummy and Daddy did well, eh? How about creating your own success?

And whoo! Tomorrow I get to watch the next episode! Here’s to glittery turds and serpents!


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