Rain and Determination

Today started out rainy, but now it’s suddenly sunny – if I look to my right out of the living room window (sitting on the sofa writing, which is unusual for me), I can see a bright blue sky without a cloud, bar for a thin veil floating in the distance. This morning was miserable though, it rained really hard. Normally we sneak out on the balcony and have our morning ciggie anyway, as there’s a tiny bit of cover if we stand right by the back wall, but today the rain was coming right into our balcony, smattering away right into our normally sheltered corner. Boo. I like starting my day with B, having breakfast together and then coffee and ciggie on the balcony, it sets me up nicely for the day ahead.

It was a stressed B who came home last night, but at least his budget meetings are out of the way now, and we celebrated by having some wine. I probably shouldn’t have had glass #4, but the headache I woke up with has now eased up and I might head out for a walk before collecting Monkey from school. On the table there are three appointment slips for parent consultations and I’ve tried to get hold of the Ex to find out which one I’m meant to go to. I think they assumed we’d be going separately, which is a bit odd as we’ve always gone together – just because I decided he was no good as a husband doesn’t mean I’m going to suddenly decide his parenting skills aren’t up to scratch. He’s a great dad, as it happens. A bit too strict in my opinion, but then he’d probably say I’m too soft, so there we are – always two sides to every story. What I do know, and what’s the most important thing of all, is that Monkey has two committed and loving parents who fall over themselves to do right by him.

And these days, Monkey also has two wonderful step-parents. Thank heavens! I always knew that no matter my feelings, if I ended up falling for someone who wasn’t good for and to Monkey, they’d be out on their arse in a flash. Luckily, the great love of my life happens to be the most wonderful man on the planet, so thankfully I don’t have to face any dilemmas as far as Monkey goes. Monkey loves B, and B loves Monkey, and I love them both so much I could just explode. But as for my Ex’s choices, that’s where I used to worry sometimes. Not that he’s ever given me reason to believe he’d end up with some crazy ass bitch, but what if he had? I wouldn’t be able to do anything about that. But again, luck struck, and from what I can gather, Monkey has been blessed with a lovely stepmum who clearly cares for him and is good to him.

Tricky stuff, all this. It’s all turned out great – and I count myself very, VERY fortunate – but before the Ex and I both settled down with new partners, those worries were very real.

To be fair, the Ex did go through a few chicks before settling with S, and after he’d dumped the second one I did think it was irresponsible to introduce Monkey to bird after bird only to have to see them fly off when his dad got bored. Sure, there were a couple of frogs in my life, but they were never introduced as mum’s boyfriends. Just bloopers, really, that I doubt Monkey would even be able to name now as they passed us both by without leaving much of an impression.

B and I fell hard for each other, and I’m sure we could be criticised for moving so quickly. However, I just knew in my heart that he was the one, there were never any doubts whatsoever, and given how in love we are a year and a half down the line (STILL nothing about him that irritates me – and I bloody ALWAYS find things that irritate me, ALWAYS) and how we just fit, I know that this is forever.

Even his awful ex-wife doesn’t put me off him, although having said that, she’s nothing to do with him really and despite her determination to drag out the divorce for so long (and squandering a small fortune in the process that their boys might have used for their university degrees), she doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Apart from occasional shock and annoyance when she’s pulled some dirty trick or behaved disgustingly (her modus operandi is centered around greed, selfishness and delusion), it’s always followed by us laughing about the ridiculousness of it all. She’ll be gone soon though, and apart from a standing order she’ll be nothing but an ugly memory and a funny story we’ll be able to tell.

I never lashed out like that, and it’s a bit fascinating to me. Then again, as way of getting back at my Ex, I once cleaned the toilet using his toothbrush – that was very satisfying. Beyond that though, I played it straight.


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