Loops and Needles

It’s been nearly a week since I received the editor’s feedback on my first three chapters and the synopsis, and I even though I’ve not written anything since then, so much has crystalised in my mind and taken on new paths and colours. Much like the scarf I’m knitting, which I’ve come to think of as my ‘Alice scarf’. Somewhere between the first couple of blocks of brown and greyish blue, Karen’s role and story arc came into question and by the time I got to a pale pink, her part had changed altogether, taking a new and more believable route that I feel confident about. When I added two thinner stripes of dark blue, giving some of Karen’s input to Britt had grown, and by the time I got to another beige block, the story arcs had become clear enough for me now to get stuck into it again.

John’s circumstances have changed and his winks at Alice will be shown for what they are. Britt has taken on much of Karen’s role, and Alice has been given more warmth and wit. Most of all, I’ve considered and mulled over showing as opposed to telling, and will let my characters develop at a much gentler pace.

I’m not going to go back over the 50,000-odd words already written, but I will churn out the rest with these things in mind and once a first draft is complete in terms of having it all written, I will turn back to the early parts and amend them to reflect all of this. I feel so good about it, and my Alice scarf that I’m knitting with love in every loop I create with the needles as I let them gently twirl in their repetitive pattern, is actually looking really lovely. It holds so much of the story, and as strange as it may seem, it’s helping me so much to just knit and think, allowing it all to come together – a story all the richer for it as I allow my mind to work on it, and my Alice scarf coming out beautifully in gorgeous blocks of colour.

I have a call with the editor on Wednesday, set up to go over these things I needed to think over. I was so worried before I got her feedback that it would contain things I wouldn’t be able to work with. E.g. rip the whole idea apart or something else too difficult to fix. Luckily, the basics are all good and solid and the things I need to rework largely just expansion and tweaking. Thank God for that! I’m so sensitive to criticism, I’m not good at it at all, so I was steeling myself beforehand and really doing my best in preparation, telling myself over and over to really see what the editor might tell me and work hard, as opposed to getting defensive and/or disheartened. It seems to have worked and I came away from reading it the first time feeling joyful and excited.

Amazing what you can make your mind do if you put your, well.. ..mind to it.

What I need to put my mind to also, is my irrational fear of going to the dentist’s. I have an appointment tomorrow, as I have two fillings that are loose and a broken tooth. I’m ridiculous, really, and at the heart of it is a needle phobia. The two fillings are two molars on which I had root canal work done. Both started with being broken, as in small parts coming off as a result of chewing on dry pasta. Because I wasn’t in pain initially, I just lived with it, and sure enough, from having probably been easy to fix with possibly not even any needles needed, both turned into major fixes and plenty of needles. Those I’m not worried about now, can’t imagine they’ll need to numb anything to cement back the loose fillings on to teeth that due to having had the root canal work are actually dead, but the tooth that has had a piece come off I think might be a different story. But at least I haven’t let it go far enough to be in pain, so hopefully that means it’s not a deep hole.

I did actually have an appointment to have all this seen to back in September, but chickened out and found lots of excuses to cancel. Not this time though. And it’ll only get worse. I can’t really chew on either side now, and I’m a FEEDER and need to be able to eat!

Aside from that, all is well in Kiwinavia. Little Sis is over from Thursday, B and Monkey and I are steadily getting into the festive spirit and our lovely flat is even lovelier with all our Christmas decorations and lights and stuff. The fridge is stocked with gingerbread cookie dough and I’ve already munched my way through half a log….. Roll on fixed gnashers so I can keep at it….


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