Guns’n’Roses and Smoothies

What the hell just happened then? Ben won the X-Factor?! As talented as he is, that’s a travesty! It should have been the little Italian muffin Andrea Faustini! I was gutted when he was voted off in the first show Saturday night, just couldn’t believe it. Then again, he’ll probably now have a brilliant career ahead of him, whereas Ben will probably just have that one hit with the Christmas single (another cover, obviously – yawn) and then join the ranks of Shane Ward and whatever the others were called somewhere in the murky depths of Z-list obscurity. Shame, and I know I’m being harsh, but he’s just not original enough so I reckon Ben needed the win more than Andrea.

In a week’s time we’re off to Sweden, and this week has started out with fretting about Christmas presents arriving in time – that’s not all that certain. The hip flasks for my dad and stepdad have been dispatched according to an e-mail I just received, so has the New Zealand calendar for my stepmum, but the New Zealand photography book for my mum there’s no news on… Oh well. B’s main present I knew when I ordered it that it probably won’t arrive in time, so I have sorted out a picture of it that I’ll stick in his card so at least he’ll know it’s coming. It’s a good’un! Would have cost £1,200 but I got it for a snippet of that and feeling ever so clever and smug. I’ll no doubt be getting the good lovin’ after that one. Well, I do anyway, but I’ll be sure to milk it for all its worth.

I never do New Year’s resolutions, I don’t believe in those – it seems to me that if you have to set a date for when you want to start or stop something, it just means you don’t actually want to do it. If you did, surely you’d do it NOW? But we have some lined up, and yes, all things I don’t actually want to do:

1. Quit smoking.

I have smoked on and off since I was a teenager, which means I’ve abused my body for two decades. Once you pass 30, I don’t think you can get away with stuff in the same way you do when you’re younger. I’m approaching 40, so I think it’s time to leave my Guns’n’Roses years behind me. Oh, and I don’t think lungcancer is much fun, so it’d be good to avoid that bitch too.

2. Cut down on the vin blanc. 

OK, so we’re not quite on par with the likes of George Best and Gazza, but we drink too often and too much, and just like lung disease I’m not too keen on the idea of cirrhosis, so we need to get sensible here too. The two go hand in hand for me – I’m quite happy not to smoke during the day (hardly ever did), but with a glass of wine in my hand I chain smoke. Nope, not exaggerating – I go at it like a goddamn chimney when on the vino, lighting a new one up almost as soon as I’ve put the last one out. I can easily puff my way through a whole packet in one evening.

3. January detox.

Ties in with the above points, just giving my abused body a bit of a kick start by way of a thorough cleanse. We did buy a juicer (used frequently the first month, but has since then lived a lonely existence in a cupboard) so I’m going to go smoothie crazy.

That’s it, and in summary I’ll spend the month of January hungry and irritable and wanting a glass of Sauvignon Blanc that I’m not allowed – sounds like lots of fun, no? To be honest, I am quite fed up with smoking so part of me is quite looking forward to chucking the bad habit into the bin – I hate being slave to it (that panic when you realise you’re running out) and it’s really played on my mind over the past few months, what untold damage I might have already done to my body. I suppose all smokers have that anxiety at the back of their minds, quietly agonising over whether the cigarette we just lit up might be the one to trigger one of those terrifying diseases. Eesh!

I’ve also completely stopped running. From running most days between five and eight kilometres, it started to fizzle out slowly but surely. When I met B just over a year and a half ago, I went out two or three times a week, but as we both started drinking and smoking more, over the past year it’s dwindled down to nothing. I don’t even remember the last time I went out, but it has to be at least a couple of months ago. And I miss how fit and healthy I used to be and how good it felt.

…..and of course the devil in me, the one who really enjoys all the wine and all the ciggies, is wanting to spend the rest of 2014 like Axl Rose – smoke and drink TWICE as much before letting it all go in favour of clean air in my lungs and healthy smoothies in my tummy.

15 Dec 2014 pic axl rose


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