Deep Thoughts and Whispers

What a great weekend this was, not that it’s quite over yet. We had such a great time with B’s both sons, and I hated it when they left but I suppose I should be grateful for getting to ‘borrow’ them for the weekend and that it was time for them to get to their mother’s for Christmas. I don’t know if she’s on her own, so it’s good that they’ll be with her for the festive period – doubtlessly, it must be hard to celebrate on your own after such a long marriage, but if she didn’t have her sons there it might just be unbearable so I guess we’ll hold off until next year and have them for Christmas then. I mean, why would it be any easier for B? It isn’t, and he was deep in thought when they left. It’s all very unfair.

I remember the first time Christmas I had to spend without Monkey after I left my ex-husband, and it sucked big style. I didn’t miss my ex that first one (then again I never did – I was done even long before I walked out) when it was just Monkey and I, but being without my son the next one (when it was my ex’s turn to have Monkey over the festive period) on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day was heartbreaking.

This evening I’m packing. B’s gone to the gym, which is great news as it means I’ve decided what he’s packing – I’ve folded all the shirts and stuff on the bed, so he’ll come back and will be faced with decisions already made, teehee. I cannot wait to get on that plane headed for Sweden and a winter wonderland! Dad’s picking us up and we’re of course staying at our beloved Falla, my dad’s little property that has become so special to B and I. It will be magical, that’s for sure.

Having said that, my Christmas – even though it hasn’t even started yet! – has already been the most wonderful so far. A wooden box turned out to be the most wonderful Christmas present I ever got, and then to add to that I also got hugs from both of B’s sons, as well as the one I got from Monkey when he whispered he loves me. I can’t think of anything that could top those things. Taking B’s sons to Sweden with us, perhaps, but apart from that I don’t think anything could outshine that wooden box, the hugs or Monkey’s “I love you, Mamma”.

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