Keys and Goals

Why am I stalling? What is it that is holding me back this time?

On the one hand I know I’ve been here before and therefore – thankfully – know that it doesn’t last and it’s all just a case of that one scene or part coming to me, from which I can begin. Once I’ve started, I’m away – it’s getting going that’s the issue. On the other, I’m sitting here shaking my head at myself, looking at the feedback from the editor and unable to work out why I’ve frozen now that someone’s told me it is “a very promising start”. Speaking to a good friend over lunch today, I’m wondering if I might need an emergency session with the beautiful R to give me a bit of an arse-kicking.

B is away for a week in the near-ish future (going to the States with work), so I keep saying to myself I’ll just spend those whole, six days and evenings writing. Hah! I don’t actually want to say when he is gone, because here’s a sentence I never thought I’d type: B’s ex-wife, aka Double-You-Eff, has my set of keys. Through no fault of her own, I may add, but this is a woman who has pulled some staggering stunts, including stalking and comminicating with me online behind a fake name (yep, she’s been in on this blog too), so I’m not about to advertise when I’m home alone. Oh, hi Poppy! Poppy is her fake name, by the way, I’m not a complete arsehole. The keys are in her possession (or house, rather) because B’s youngest had them in case he’d come and stay at ours when we were away over Christmas, then forgot to take them to give back to me when we saw him a couple of weeks ago.

Poppy, would you mind (as you were asked over a week ago) putting those keys into a jiffy bag and send them to me? I believe you have the address, otherwise just ask me or send it to B’s office. I’m happy to reimburse the postage, and thank you in advance for taking the time out of your incredibly busy and exciting schedule of sitting on your backside and putting stuff on Facebook. Ta!

On that subject, lunch with the vibrant, stunning and utterly wonderful L today – AND I NEVER THOUGHT I’D HEAR MYSELF SAY THIS – there is someone worse than Double-You-Eff. I didn’t think it’d be possible to behave in a more rotten way during a divorce, but hell really really hath no damn fury. Sure, B’s side (oh, and the court) is waiting for Double-You-Eff’s bundle of disclosure documents and it’s nearing the time when they’ll need to have it or it’ll be too late – I ain’t holding my breath, this woman is just dragging the chain for the sake of it, probably shitting herself because in a childish/drunk moment she filed for divorce not because she wanted one but because she thought B would freak out and come back. Yep, that’s what we’re dealing with here and we’ve seen the whole repertoire – fake pregnancy scare, filing for divorce and a week later asking B to come back (what a well balanced lady, huh?), then racking up crazy amounts of money spent on lawyers for no good reason, as well as a good ol’ dose of lying and stealing and generally behaving in a way that make normal people feel sick to the stomach.

L’s husband’s ex apparently went even further. Hah, Poppy! Did you think I was going to account for your role model’s actions on here? Look, I ain’t about to give you any tips – you have done enough, thank you very much. I suggest you keep getting your inspiration from wherever you’ve been finding it to date, which I suspect is the seventh circle of hell.

Not that it makes Double-You-Eff seem better or excuses her behaviour – I don’t think she realises the harm and hurt she has caused, and I’m not even talking about B anymore – but it somehow showed me that our case isn’t this insane anomaly I thought it was. I’ve just never encountered anything like this before and perhaps that’s why I find it as fascinating as it’s terrifying, and I’ve been through a divorce myself (that I until the dawn of Witchface considered ‘messy’ but now view as ‘amicable’ – amazing what a little perspective can do) as well as having friends going through the same thing.

Well. It should be over (the divorce bit, at least – after that comes the rest of the untangling of the former matrimonial home etc that needs to be sold) in a week’s time, but as I said to B last night – I think we should hope the cancer that is Double-You-Eff is removed, but she has stubbornly clung on before so as shit as it’d be to have her in our lives for longer, I think we need to resign ourselves to the fact that this is a distinct possibility. It doesn’t ruin our happiness, so if her goal is to break us by being as horrid as possible, she is in for a very disappointing surprise because B and I are for forever.

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