I should probably be freaking out at least a little, but I’m not. I should probably despair at least a little over the youth I no longer have. 39 is once and for all the point where you can no longer claim to be in your “mid-thirties”. Even at 38, you’d be grasping at straws attempting to ignore that the big four-oh is just around the corner. I think the point is that I don’t feel scared of middle age. The only time I remember feeling bleurgh about ageing was when I turned 20. Yes, 20. I remember thinking how awful it was that I was no longer a teenager and how old 20 seemed. Hah! Right now though, it just makes me giggle how I am the equivalent of two nineteen-yearolds. Perhaps it’s a bit to do with how I’ve always been baby faced, always the one who looked much younger than my years and how it was only once I entered my thirties I kind of grew into myself.
Nah, 39’s all good and I reckon I’m better now than I was at 29 or 19. 39’s cool with me.
I’m also really getting the hang of this flying thing, typing as we speak as we’re somewhere above Sheffield on our way up to Edinburgh, which is where my dreamy boyfriend is whisking me off to for my birthday and Valentine’s. Dream boat bunny B. We were told by the captain before take-off that this flight would be bumpy, and sure, it’s a little wobbly, but I’m not fucking bothered. Before, if you rewind about a year or so, this type of flight (or any flight, for that matter) would have me sobbing and clinging on to B or Monkey for dear life, just “knowing” the flight number would appear in news headlines after our plane hurtling down and crashing in a huge fire ball. No, really – I may as well be on the tube, I’m feeling that non-plussed by it.
So, Scotland for a weekend with my honey! Can’t wait! I am so spoilt I am actually feeling embarrassed, getting to be this woman I’d normally watch in some romantic movie and resent because I never knew reality could be just like that. Not that I need whisking away for romantic weekends, B makes me blissfully happy regardless, but OMG, never think for a moment I don’t know how very lucky I am.