Quite the question. From what B described it was just a short little question that his boss put to him, just a few simple words but it will have an answer so complicated we’re both struggling to work it all out.
“Would you like to do it?”
It, being taking on a role that’d see us moving to the US. Would I like to live in the US? Hell yeah! The options would be Connecticut (possibly even NYC, which is an hour away from the head office on a train) or New Jersey (but that’d be less likely). So here’s where we’re at – B won’t go without me, and I won’t go without Monkey. Would I be happy to take Monkey? Take him out of school, away from his friends and relocate to a new country? Yes, I would. He is a cheerful and confident kid and I know he’d make lots of new friends straight away, that’s just his way. And I think it would be a great experience for him. The problem? Would my ex-husband allow this? I suppose the answer to that would be the one I would give in the reverse – would I be OK with my ex moving abroad and taking Monkey with him? Over my dead body.
So many things going through my head, my brain is working overtime, trying to find ways of making it happen – Monkey moving with us but spending all holidays, including summer, with his father in the UK. Or the reverse, i.e. stay with his father and spend all holidays in the US with us. But even on paper that rips my heart to shreds – I hate being away from Monkey for a WEEK. How about a MONTH? Half a term is six weeks and so is the summer break. In reality, we can’t see how it could work.
Some kind of arrangement where I go to the UK 10 days per month to be with Monkey? But then we’d need a base here, and given how B has worked his backside off all his life only to be financially ruined by his ex-wife and bare scraped, that’s a resounding NO. I mean, even staying here he doesn’t have a hope in hell of ever owning a home again so it’s hardly realistic to toy with the idea of having a little one bedroom place as a London base. So could I rent a room those hypothetical 10 days? Possibly. I’m sure I could stay with Wifey against a reasonable token payment. But then, if I’m renting a room, where does that leave Monkey? Arrange for bunk beds??
B asked this morning if it’s even a discussion I’m willing to have with Monkey’s dad, and it is. I’m just wondering – say, in the unlikely event that the ex would agree – if any of us would be able to cope. Up to six weeks without Monkey, or travel back and forth across the Atlantic.
Well, we’ll continue to mull this over and see where we end up. It may seem impossible, but who knows, perhaps there is a way.