Cravings and Sunny Mornings

We have done it again – we have quit smoking. This time, I’ll have to say we both seem a bit more committed, whereas previous years it’s mostly been a case of healthy living throughout January and then off the wagon come my birthday in February. To be honest, I rarely smoke during the day so I can’t say I miss it RIGHT NOW even though I am half way through a cup of coffee – I wouldn’t be smoking at this time anyway. Although, we got through the first 48 hours with nothing worse than short fuses and feeling restless, so now that the physical cravings are gone it should just be a case of getting through a few weeks and it’ll be much easier.

Before, we’ve used nicotine plasters and/or chewing gum. B’s son quit using e-ciggies. Not doing any of that this time – just plain ol’ cold turkey – as all that achieves is just keeping the nicotine addiction alive, and given the addiction is why I smoke the freaking things I can’t see how it’d make sense to keep feeding my body nicotine. No, I don’t particularly enjoy filling my lungs with toxic fumes choc full of carcinogens – call me crazy but I truly don’t, and if I did enjoy smoke in my airways I’d smoke herbal ciggies without the nicotine, right? Nor do I need something to do with my hands – if that was the case I wouldn’t need to light the damn things, right? No, the only – ONLY – reason I smoke is because I’m addicted to nicotine. Any other reason I, or any other smoker, try to convince myself/themselves of is bullshit.

To be fair, there are times when I do think I enjoy it – sunny mornings on the balcony with B and our morning coffee, or warm evenings by the river with a pint. Sure, that’s quite enjoyable, but even in those scenarios I know it’s not the cigarettes I enjoy. In fact, coffee as well as lager tastes better when you don’t have the smoke messing with the flavour. I smoke because it’s how my body gets its nicotine. Nothing else. And it certainly doesn’t make my mornings or evenings more magical or fun, whether those mornings and evenings are sunny, warm or otherwise.

So a nicotine replacement to me, seems like “oh, so to wean you off heroin, you’re now going to take it in tablet form instead of injecting it” – same difference. Hey, as I said, we’re through the physical cravings (so mild they’re barely worth mentioning: a slightly empty, restless feeling that goes away after half a minute or by the smallest of distractions), so just give it a few weeks and I reckon we’ll be all good! It’ll just be a case of not having that “one-off” ciggie that has made me fall off the wagon so many times before.

One side effect I didn’t expect, however: trouble sleeping! First two nights both B and I tossed and turned all night and have been exhausted as a result. Yesterday we went and got some Valerian tablets, so last night was a lot better. Looked it up, and apparently it’s quite common when you quit smoking. Should go soon though.

Right. So there’s a busy 2016 lined up, I already have four trips abroad planned, and along with all of that and getting married, I also need to finish off the book (or the second draft – I’m sure there’ll be at least another after that!).

So best get going, eh….


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