So about a year ago, I had the biggest fall-out of my life. If anyone had asked even five minutes prior who I might think I’d fall out with, my father would have been at the very bottom of whatever list I would have come up with. Yet, it was me and him, my father and I who fell out in a Hiroshima fashion. A year on, it’s still very raw and painful, but the conversation we had the other night fills me with hope. Only a week ago we had a conversation that got me down and made me lose hope, had me thinking it was all lost, but suddenly there he was again at the weekend just gone, this force of nature that is my father and I knew we’d find our way back. Perhaps not today or tomorrow or even in a year from now, but I know we’re unbreakable and will again find ourselves where we once were even if that day is not today.
“HOWDY!” he exclaimed when I picked up.
I swear just the way he said it made all else disappear. It was my Dad the way I always knew him: loud, unrestrained, boundless, forceful, energetic, mad, joyful, so full of joie de vivre it could make a corpse come to life and maybe even… …unhinged. The guy is nuts, but that’s probably one of the things that has always had me idolising him. “Force of nature” has always been the best way to describe him, this man I have adored since he first took me in his arms that evening of 13th February 1976 and made jokes about the thick, black hair I was born with but these days is a mane of blond hair that no styling product could ever hope to tame. As for my Dad, he was and always will be my first love. The love that is so true it will never rust. Ever.
This weekend just gone I had the kind of conversation with this magnificent man who has been on a pedestal since as far back as I can remember, that almost made it seem like we never fell out at all. I have been smiling ever since. I think the smile on my face sporting the t-shirts to promote the bank he worked for back in the late 70s is similar to the smile on my face today. If there ever was a Daddy’s Girl, I’m that.
In other news, B and I have made an offer on a gorgeous apartment in Teddington! Yep, moving further out west, and this one is funnily so much like the place we’re renting now it’s silly – 80 square metres, identical building, identical shared garden…. Just newly decorated with bigger bedrooms.
I’ve said it before but will say it again – life starts NOW!