Cold sores and flock animals

Bleurgh – I thought the nasty cold sore was all I’d have to put up with (like my top lip doesn’t stick out enough as it is – I look deformed!) but it’d seem I am going down with Monkey’s cold. The young chimp emerged from his room Monday morning all croaky and feverish and he has been home from school again today after coughing all night. It always gets his airways any time he catches a cold and he ends up with a sharp hacking cough that lasts for weeks on end. When he was younger he’d have these coughing fits that sometimes got so bad he ended throwing up. Thankfully that’s not happened for a long time now.

I felt fine this morning, woke up to another crisp and sunny autumn day – my favourite kind – and I was in such a great mood driving through Twickenham and St Margarets on my way to work, making plans for this evening. Going to go for a run when I get in, then change our beds to the winter duvets, cook this casserole dish (well, it IS autumn!) and find some good documentary to watch. I fully intend to do all of that. The headache is slowly creeping up on me and I can feel my throat going too, have a slightly runny nose too. Nah, a steady, slow run and sweat it all out followed by a long, hot shower and then curl up under a blanket and munch lots of fruit and drink Berocca should sort me out.

B is in Prague and it probably hasn’t helped that I’ve slept as badly as I always do when he’s away. Having said that, last night was MUCH better than Sunday night – when I woke up yesterday morning it felt like I’d only nodded off for a short while after my brain, when I turned the lights off, promptly decided to go into anxiety mode and I spent what seemed like the whole night worrying about everything and nothing. Ridiculous. Three nights, that was all this time. Just wait until October – B is in New Zealand most of the month to get some quality time with his parents. We were there in February of course, but his dad is a bit poorly and had a recent scare, so given B’s job allows for freedom in terms of location, the best thing now is to take the opportunity to spend quality time instead of waiting until there’s another scare – which may or may not happen. COPD is a funny creature like that – you just never know. But as with anything that reduces any sort of bodily function, in this case the lungs, it’s the small things that can really catch you out.

So yes, B’s upcoming travel schedule will by a long way be the longest we’ve ever been apart. The longest so far was his Hong Kong trip last December – 11 nights. The New Zealand trip will mean 25. Fuckinell. I just can’t imagine it, it’ll be so strange. I mean, when B is away on his normal and pretty regular trips – a week in the US here, five days in Hong Kong there and once in a while a couple of days in Europe mixed in – it goes something like this:

Night #1: Oh holy crap, I miss him so bad. Can’t sleep, anxiety on full blast and feeling miserable.

Night #2: Feeling lost but usually so knackered after not having slept properly the first night that I end up getting a good amount of shut-eye.

Night #3: This is normally the half way mark, in which case it’s a bit of a relief that I’m through the worst of it. Or, like now, it’s the last sleep and I’m all excited and full of butterflies as I’ll see my honey tomorrow.

Night #4: Anxiety gone normally but still wake up due to having the bed to myself and I don’t like to sleep unless I’m all tangled up with B. Still, on the home-run so feeling quite good usually.

Night #5: Nine times out of ten, this is a good night as it’s usually the last one!

So it does fill me with dread to think what adding 20 – TWENTY!!!! – nights to that. I might just keep a diary as I reckon measuring my mood having to be without B for so long might just prove both fascinating and terrifying. To think I was never a flock animal and always preferred solitude and my own company – just look at me now, all needy and lost without my bestie. Thank God Monkey is around!!


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