Feckmee, never thought I’d ever EVER feel this way.
It’s almost a dream like state, the very fact (or is it fact?) that I saw B this morning, got to hug him, kiss him and tell him I love him, have breakfast with him and just be in his presence nevermind arms, wake up because he kissed me (or did he? Was he here at all?). It does seem surreal, having missed him for several days, that he (HE) was in fact (FACT!) here (HERE!) when I woke up, yet now he is gone again. GONE. He is gone.
I was never a flock animal. In fact, I’ve always been happier on my own – in my own company, at my own devices, in sweet, sweet solitude. Then HE came along and now suddenly I am at a loss whenever HE is not around. And that is a lot lately and over the weeks to come – him, HE, not being around.
I cannot sleep when I’m not in his arms. I cannot think straight when he isn’t there to share my thoughts. I cannot relax when he isn’t chilling with me. I can’t even fkn BE when he isn’t there right with me. It sucks serious hairy horse balls.
He – sorry, HE – gets back tomorrow night. I have him with me until next Friday, just over a week to soak him (HIM!) up. Before I have to, somehow, be and exist without him for nearly a month. I dread it so much. It’s freaking me out, it’s making me want to scream, it’s so wrong on every level. I cannot bear it.
But he – HE – and I are strong, so somehow I know we will.
He – HE – is everything.